Weak Wednesday..I'm soooooo tired.

I'm exhausted!!  that's it!

Well not really, but I have not smoked since Saturday....at this point, I have a little itch not to feel this freaking tired...but I am going to push though this anyway, because remember I have this little thing I'd like to call commitment.  I'd like to feel like I'm good at something. Well, I do know that I'm pretty darn good at lots of things, but I by no means am PERFECT, I make a tons of mistakes and my laziness often wins the best of me.  My brain is constantly thinking of all the things I should be doing, that within itself is quite overwhelming most days, I feel so consumed by these thoughts.  Crazy how the mind works...talk about crazy, so the people that really know me, may ask if I am a bit CRAZY, I may walk this fine line in life AND the crazier part is that at work, I seem to be the glue that is constantly putting together all of the CRAZY around me.  Now I have personally been to counseling and psychotherapy at different points in my life and have never been diagnosed with ANYTHING, I have had CRAZY behavior that's for sure, TEMPERS, yes that me, well maybe that's just the Puerto Rican in me???  Who knows?  In any case, I work closely with and manage those that have been diagnosed with their own issues of some sort.  Being put in this position at this point in my life made me think, why did God put ME in this situation?? seriously GOD??  I mean I trust you and have the utmost faith, but really lets think about this, its like the crazy leading the crazy??!?  sounds crazy right?  Please understand that I use the crazy term loosely, I hope you understand my sentiment.

Its been some time that we have been working together, and there have been moments of slam doors, irrational childish behavior, and we did endure a few "I'm just going to ignore you today and not communicate".  Lately we have been able to bring down the walls and communicate with each other so we understand what's really going on.  It has been a long road for us but I'm glad that we are where we are now, we've been able to make progress together and have some real heartfelt talks and moments, sometimes we don't have to say anything at all, we're learning each others looks...no words necessary, we understand each other and I am usually able to diffuse whatever it is that's going on that's not jiving, suddenly I'm the calm in all this.  I find myself in strange territory, yet I'm fairly comfortable with this situation, I feel that I am the only one that can understand these amazing gifted souls and somehow steer them in the right direction or at least I was meant to be here in the midst of their journey.  Something about it just feels right.

You just never know sometimes why you are walking this path, I guess Steve Jobs said it well  "you can't connect the dots looking ahead", but you can looking back and it is then that you begin to understand the role that you play.  God works in amazing ways....whatever it is keep the faith, eventually you'll be able to connect the dots!