BEHAVIOR LESSONS

After yesterdays fiasco, I was so overwhelmed with confusion, I had no more words or thoughts, to be honest I was dumbfounded.  I didn't know - I just didn't know, I still don't - but that's NOT the point.

After the screaming fit my child had out in public, I was in NO state of mind to help her, I simply couldn't I was stumped as she stood there and screamed at the top of her lungs, I think I secretly wish I could have done the same thing, but I am no longer that child anymore.  It doesn't mean that I don't have these childish thoughts, because I do.  I am learning to take hold of those thoughts by acknowledging them for WHAT they TRULY are so then the adult in me can rationalize that these childish behaviors will get us NOWHERE, and they ONLY hurt ME.

Now what also STUMPED me that evening was that once, I finally did make it over to the festival, after attempting to piece myself together, these women in my husbands lives actually acknowledged my existence.  Now in my mind, I was told that they wanted NOTHING to do with me, therefore wasn't I was already DEAD to them??  I thought so, I was living with this notion for some time now, I had NEVER experienced family members shutting me OUT, so accepting this was difficult.  I could cope with my mother in law shutting me out, we've had our differences before so I do know that she simply NEEDS time, on the other hand I guess I expected my sister-in-law to TALK to ME, put me in my place if need be, she had definitely put me in my place before, and I completely RESPECT her for that.  My sisters would NOT blink an eye and would have come back at me if ever they needed to, now my sisters and I have it down to a science by now, we've learned to apologize to one another and we know that as woman how IMPORTANT these relationships are for support and nurturing.  I can see NOW, that her not speaking to me was her way of saying GROW UP this behavior is simply NOT allowed here, I get it really I do (because she's right I do need to grow up) BUT again in my mind, it was presented to me as if she was DONE with me, words that are so FINAL - that's it DONE??  You are NEVER done with your sisters.  What shattered ME on this one IS the a day before my sister in law shut ME out, she had an altercation with my mother, whatever was said between them is between them, I had defended my sister-in-law against my mother and was asking my mother to NOT hold that conversation against her in any way, I told my mother that whatever she did say, she was saying out of LOVE and CONCERN.  I had faith in her because I know she has a GOOD heart. and because that's what sisters do, they look out for each other whenever they can.  I was so deeply hurt that she did not allow me the opportunity to explain, repent or apologize.  I know that I can look at this TWO WAYS, one - I know now where I stand in her world and may not overstep my boundaries OR two who knows maybe in the end this WILL strengthen our relationship, and believe it or not I usually do see the glass half full.  This one WAS and IS a REALLY hard lesson to learn,