REAL MEN

As I watched my husband replacing the light bulbs on the headlights of our mini van, it dawned on me that he was just being a man, plain and simple, engaging in an act that fulfilled that manly role.  That got me thinking and once I realized this, it was like this realization had hit me like ton of bricks.  His needs, he wants to feel like a MAN, he craves to be KING of his castle, why did I think that he did not NEED this? why did I NOT realize how important this must be to him?? How could I have been so blind to this simple thought?  Well here I am begging and pleading to be treated and loved like a queen and meanwhile, I hadn't exactly given him that opportunity to be my KING.

Growing up I lived in a household with parents that were the epitome of those traditional "husband" and "wife" roles in my eyes. My father was MAN in every way, he served in two wars, he did whatever he had to do so he may provide for his family, even if that meant that he was barely home, he can FIX everything and anything in the house, CARS, he could probably build you one, he knows EVERYTHING.  When we were living in Park Slope Brooklyn when I was ten, I remember looking out the window of our brownstone apartment for when he would get home so I could report back to my mom, it would take him at least an hour to come upstairs, for everyone on our block knew my dad; and once a neighbor grabbed him as he got home he would not hesitate to fix something for them or do whatever they needed, they all loved him, I just rolled my eyes thinking HELLO, you have your own family here!!  Back then my father did not wash dishes, clean the house, cook, or do laundry as those duties belonged to my mother along with raising the children.  My mother served him every day, she always made his plate and brought him water whenever he asked, she did not complain of this EVER, she always said if he takes care of the things that needed to be fixed around the house, I will gladly serve him and be his wife.  This thought disgusted me for some reason, I don't even think my father changed any of our diapers, now that I think of it, I cannot confirm this, it is just what I always assumed.  I certainly had my differences with my father, I did not agree with how my parents took on these roles, in our modern day society, weren't men suppose to take on more of these duties that belonged to the woman, weren't they suppose to play a bigger part raising the children?  My little ignorant self has held him responsible for these notions, for what I thought I was missing, for not taking me fishing when I asked him to.  I held him responsible for our lack of communication, if I needed to talk, I would talk to my mother, she was and IS always there for whatever nurturing I need.  OH how wrong was I, I've been so WRONG about the men in my life, I have held anger in me for as long as I can remember that it has blinded all of the things I was given to me by the men in my life.

My dad is pretty great, not perfect, BUT, pretty darn awesome and amazing, he may not have given me what I had expected to receive from a father on my terms, but looking back he has given me more, and still continues to give, than any girl could ever hope for.  I could even remember as far back as when I was about three or four laying on my dads chest as he laid on the floor, my little body going up and down as he  would breath in and out, that was my favorite place to be, it was my mini roller coaster on his big belly.  He has always given me UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  He taught me all kinds of things, ride a bike, fix a tire when I was twelve, drive a car, paint, rip up a carpet, put down a carpet, put shingles up on a roof, change the oil, make sure I understood whatever it was that he was fixing along with a full detailed tour of whatever car I had.  He bought me my first CAR.  Throughout my life whenever I needed him to lift me from myself, he did, he never let me down, he would hold me until the uncontrollable crying stopped until he knew that I would be OK.

I've pretty much been on my own since I was nineteen, when I decided to leave New York.  I know I'm a tough girl, I've had to be to survive all the tough times I've seen.  I am sorry to my family that it has taken me so long to let GO.  To my husband for not letting him be that MAN in my life, for I have been so busy thinking I didn't need it, I was wrong.  Today I am 37 years old and I feel like I am just beginning to understand.  Now, I know my path is meant for ME, had anything played out any differently, I would NOT have the three amazing children I have today, so for that I am eternally grateful and blessed.

Happy Birthday to ME!!